Sunday, July 13, 2014

Why People Just Like You Can Be Dangerous

One of the wisest things I've ever done, was associated with people who are far more wise than I. Many times (more than I'd like to think about) this has been an amazing contribution to my relationships, my job, and my life. These things have been saved because of the loving yet sometimes harsh wisdom given to me by these friends. It's how I like it.

One of the most foolish things I've ever done, was rely on someone who was going through the same battle as me. This was me and my former best friend. When I was knee deep in self-injury, my best friend at the time was going through a different form of it. And we relied on each other to keep each other accountable.. Let's just say that only lasted so long. All it did was turn into a manipulative friendship full of lots of anger and resentment. We made a pact to not harm ourselves as long as the other didn't. But at that time, I still didn't understand that battles aren't something to just walk away from. That's why you struggle with it. You may have moments of weakness and fall, but when your accountability comes from someone struggling with the same things.... there are a couple things that could result from that..

1. Your friend will not give you the wisdom you need.. they will give you the words they want to hear.

2. Your friend will look at that as an enabler for themselves.

These things don't always happen, but in most of these situations I've seen, they have. There are always going to be people who don't understand what you're dealing with, and there are always going to be people who do. But if the people you are seeking wisdom from are not firm in a foundation, you really won't be getting the wisdom and accountability you need. Instead you get people who pour sugar over the wounds instead of helping to clean them.

This doesn't always pertain to just battles. If you only associate with people who are just like you, there is no room for growth. There is no room for new experiences. There really is no room for anything other than hearing the things you want to hear..

Most of my friends are completely opposite of me and I like that. Those friendships have turned into some of my greatest friendships. I'm constantly learning new things.. Things like gratefulness and appreciation. You really don't know how much you can be grateful or appreciate something or someone until you learn from it.

I'm not saying it's bad to have things in common... I'm just saying be careful. If you're not learning, you're not growing. And there is always room for that.

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