Lately, my favorite words have been "it's not". Usually, this seems like an argument as to who knows better, but they've taken a new meaning for me. Mainly because of the awesome friendships I have. Some days I feel lonely and like I have nobody... selfish I know.. Especially since I know there are many people who love and care about me. But in the midst of this, I have grown so much more fond of the friendships I have. I'm constantly humbled by them.
So back into why I love the "it's not" phrase.
I don't know how many times I've felt so petty about letting certain things bother me. At least it feels petty. When I decide to be vulnerable and open up about something that hurt my feelings, it's hard. I don't like saying anything hurts my feelings. Maybe because I don't like the idea of being hurt, or looking like I've been hurt. So I tend to cover that up by saying it made me mad... or angry.. or pissed off.. or anything that will disguise the hurt.. And very rarely will I ever admit when something actually did hurt, or crush me. I mostly hated it because opening up meant that I would hear how everyone else gets hurt.. or how it could be worse.. or something to decrease me as an individual. I've learned not to approach others' hurt feelings with these suggestions. Mostly because it doesn't treat them as an individual who gets hurt..
So when I open up, I feel petty... or selfish.. or arrogant.. or like I have no right to feel the way I do. And that's why I say.. I say things like...
I know that's selfish..
I know that sounds arrogant
I know that's petty
And then there are those words, "it's not".
When I hear those, I feel like the friend I'm being vulnerable with is on my side.. they care about my feelings.. they care about what happened to me... and it matters to them. They are being the friend who listens to me, and who knows me, and understands that I was hurt. And it helps.
Maybe we should start putting those two words more into our vocabulary. If we care, we should let them know that their hurt feelings matter to us. Their pain moves us. Maybe we should start being that safe place for others to feel vulnerable because let's face it, we don't like to admit when we're hurt.
Those are the words that have created a safe place for me. May I do the same for others with these same words.