Friday, July 21, 2017

Today has been a heavy day.

I've been crying on and off throughout it. Waking up and reading the news of Chester Bennington kinda hit hard. The first time I ever listened to Linkin Park was on a drive to Denny's with a friend of mine. I was 20 years old. I remember being squeezed in a truck while she belted out the words during Crawling. I knew then that I loved that song. That band. That voice.

I remember being in love and listening to the words to In The End, and playing the song for the one who broke my heart.

It's rare for a celebrity death to affect me to the point of crying. And I've been crying today. Because for a man to sing songs that speak things I have felt at times to take his own life, it hits hard.

We can't possibly know what was going through his head when he decided to do what he did. It may have been impulse, it may have been thought out. But I do know that when you reach that point of despair, it can be hard to break out of. There are a lot of people out there who brush it off. They don't understand the struggle.They don't understand the science of how the brain operates in those moments. And because of that, suicide is something that people get angry at or disregard because they don't get it.

Some days, it does try to take over my thoughts. There are times when it's easy to push it away, and other days I fight like hell. Yes, it is that possible to reach that point of absolute hopelessness. But if you don't get it, you probably shouldn't say anything about it. It's fine if you don't understand it. Just don't brush it off.

Again, we don't have the answer as to why he did it. I believe it's okay to feel angry, or hurt, or confused. But the truth is, there are people around us who still struggle. People who feel hopeless and lost and don't know what to do. We have the capacity to be that safe place. To encourage them to seek help. To love them like crazy and show them they matter. There have been many people I've met that aren't used to someone reaching out to them. They're not used to someone valuing them in incredible ways. They're not used to having people fight for them. And we have the ability to do all of these things for them.

Yes, it's hard at times. Yes, it takes work. Yes, sometimes you have to reach down and remember that you value them. Because of everything that exists in this world, people are not replaceable. There is only one you. There is nobody else in the world that is exactly like you. Of the billions upon billions of people that have ever existed, you are one of a kind. Your neighbor, your friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, mom, dad, brother, sister, son, daughter, and stranger are all one of a kind. Nobody has ever been exactly like you. And nobody else ever will be.

If you ever forget that you have purpose, let me just tell you that we need you. Others need you. And in that, it is our duty to show others the same; that we need them. You, and them, matter. We all matter. We are all important to someone. And there might be that one person that needs you in order for them to pull through.

Learn to listen. Learn to see. Learn to act. Do what it takes. Jobs, homes, things...... they can all be replaced. But you, or anyone else on this earth. never can.