Wednesday, April 30, 2014

One of the things I hate is when someone claims I'm not doing something that I really am doing. That seemed to be very common with my last four jobs. It started at a daycare I was working at. The director sat me down and told me that a lot of the parents were concerned I wasn't having circle time with the kids. I was supposed to come up with my own curriculum, and since I fall short in coming up with ideas, I did circle time almost all day everyday. Needless to say, I was very upset. 

Another job I was at, I was told how I was never seen doing one of my daily tasks.. The thing about that, was that I did that all the time, too. 

The last time I was told anything like that, I was told I acted like I didn't care about my job.. and that was bogus considering I was probably the only one that actually cared about doing my job. 

Being told I'm not doing something I knew I was doing started making me question whether or not I needed to do more. Maybe I thought I was doing all these things but really wasn't. Either way, it was always just as crushing to hear it. 

I was reflecting on this all today and then it hit me, I think we do the same thing to God. We want Him to move and change and work in our lives... but when we don't see the results, we just resolve that He's not doing anything at all. We don't see it, so He's not doing it. We hear He's not doing it, so He's not doing it. We don't get the results we want, so He's not doing it. 


That's not true. 

The fact that we see no evidence does not mean that something isn't at work. It doesn't mean it's not happening. That's just what we like to conclude because we don't see it, or someone else tells us. The talks I received bout what I wasn't doing were given based on hearsay. Someone is always zoning in at the wrong time and not seeing what goes on when they're not around. 

I kind of think God works in the same way... We zone into what we asked Him to do at the moment we want a result and don't see it.. so we write it off as it not happening. Maybe that was His way of gently trying to tell me that's what I do to Him. Or maybe He just wanted me to realize that just because I don't see it, it doesn't mean He's not at work. Whatever the case, I see that I've done this to Him many many times and I will be the first to admit it. 

Relationships don't go as I planned, so I give up. 
Work doesn't go as I want it to, so I give up.
People don't act like I want them to, so I give up. 
God doesn't answer me, so I give up. 

You can name any situation in my life that is strong and long lasting, and I can tell you I was ready to give up on it many many times in the beginning. I admit it, I'm incredibly impatient.. 

But this realization today is something I hope to carry with me. I hope it's something you can carry, too. Just because we don't see what we want to in the moment we want to, it doesn't mean the results aren't going to happen. Chances are, the results will be bigger and better than we would have imagined it... had we gotten what we wanted when we wanted it. 

Just a thought. 

Monday, April 28, 2014

There really is something to be said about words. Some I like, some I don't. Last week I heard a lot of words I didn't like. They weren't mean words, they were actually compliments. 

I was told that I was more intelligent than I make myself out to be. 
I was told that I had a leadership mannerism
I was told I was very personable and approachable. 

All this was said by people who don't really know me, but said it based on simple conversations. 
Nope, I didn't like it and I don't share this for agreement or attention. I say it because it makes me think of a few things. The first is the fact that I couldn't argue these things because of a deal I made with a friend. I told her I wouldn't argue the compliments or nice things said to me. It is definitely something to get used to. I suppose it comes from hearing how awesome and funny and talented and caring everyone around me was..... but never me. This took place in my home. I never heard anything good about anything I wanted to do... or the person I am.. but I did them anyway and stayed who I was. So I just figured, everything I did just wasn't good... 

But as I get older, I learn that there are things you have to unlearn. I have to unlearn that I am not good enough. 

The point I'm trying to make is... that it is hard to accept the opposite of what you think about yourself when it is said to you. No way would I ever consider myself intelligent or leadership material.. But people see these things in me from the way I speak or act or whatever it is they were looking at. Either way, they see it. And I have to digest it no matter how bitter it tastes.. and trust me, it really is bitter. 

There are lots of people who have no idea how much they're worth, and I know a couple of them... and they are some of the most amazing people I have ever met in my life. I truly believe that God designed us with eyes to see the greatness in others. I believe He designed us with ears to listen to the greatness in others. It's not always easy to see it in ourselves, but if others can see it in us, there really is something there. But it's up to us whether or not it will sink in or be rejected. If I am going to live my life valuing others, I have to actually value myself and act like it. In other words, I have to let it sink in more. 

The next time someone says something awesome to you, instead of brushing it off, just remember they were designed with eyes to see the greatness in people... so if they see it in you, it's because God sees you the same way, and maybe He just wanted to let you know it.