What a beautifully trying month February was for me. It was one of heavy weight, and beautiful grace. It was a measure of how God's goodness shows up in the dark moments. We know that happens, but when it does, it leaves you in just as much awe and wonder as it did the first time.
In the beginning of the month, I was asked to leave my job. I was let go over a misunderstanding that I couldn't prove. I wasn't given a warning or a choice. And when I was given the chance to give an explanation, I couldn't even remember the situation. So after three and half years, I walked away from the company I worked for.
I couldn't say I was worried, because I believe in a good God who wouldn't leave me or forsake me. He's a provider and somehow, I've never been left without. But I can say it was a bit of a blow. That was the first job I knew I would never get a raise at, but still wanted to give my best. It taught me to step up and take initiative. I learned how to treat my job responsibly and looked at it in a different light. I knew that I didn't represent myself so I couldn't just do the job how I wanted. I had to do my best because it represented someone else. That's never easy to do because it requires laying down pride, which I'm full of so much of. I guess you can say my heart was a bit broken.
Needless to say, instead of letting the course run, I started to prepare for the worst. I didn't know what was going to happen, but before it did I was ready to go. I didn't want to, but I wasn't sure what to expect. I thought that being let go meant my roommate was going to be disappointed and want me to leave. Instead, the exact opposite happened. She offered to cover my part of the next months rent. Everything fell into place for me to stay put as the days rolled out.
Not only that, but friends stepped up and told me where to apply because they knew people. Here I was thinking I was on my own in this situation. It's never easy to let someone see you when you've been kicked down, but I think that's where we see the beauty of what grace and love looks like. My roommate didn't hesitate to start figuring something out right away. Here I was preparing for anything to happen, and there was my roommate working on what to do to help me out. Pure grace.
I also had friends step up and give me any kind of suggestion they could. They offered any kind of help just to ensure my stay in Las Vegas. Even though I have issues with staying in one place for too long, I have my goals and Vegas has such a tug on my heart.
But it wasn't too long after that I got called for another job. I still have a long way to go with reaching the level I had at Dunkin Donuts, but this job offers me more than I would have ever gotten while being at Dunkin. And by more I mean benefits, opportunities, discounts, and almost double the pay. I never would have expected that, but I am grateful.
It's been a month since this all started, and I'm still mesmerized by how good it truly was. Everybody says that when one door closes, another one opens. I don't necessarily believe that's true. I think sometimes doors close because the season for it being open is over. It doesn't always mean something awesome is around the corner. Sometimes, it simply means that we need to slow down. Sometimes it means we need to apply what we've learned. Sometimes it means that God wants us to remember Him and that He is God. If that were the path He gave me, I would have still believed He was good. That was my choice, and I had to make it. It's our choice and we have to be the ones to decide to believe He is still good when He shuts a door, or doesn't step in the rescue us from the fire. Sometimes, things happen.. and sometimes, things don't work out.
But in this situation, I can equate it to an answered prayer. A few weeks ago, I found myself crying out to Him.. asking Him to show me He still loves me. Not that I doubted Him, but I just wanted that reminder. I needed Him to let me know He still wanted me. And I begged Him to reveal that to me once again.
When I think about all that has happened this past month, I can't help but think of how beautifully trying it was. It was heavy and yet light. It was amazing to see Him work something for the good once again.
To me.. of all people, He worked good for me. If this example shows the kind of God I believe Him to be, then may He always put me in beautifully trying times.