Friday, May 16, 2014

Just the other day, I was reading a book, and I started thinking about why I read the books I read. You see... I like reading books that help me understand people better. As someone who wants to be an advocate of love, I'm constantly learning what it means to do so. I realize that a lot of things I do are things some people don't understand. I'm okay with that because love doesn't make sense. At least it never has to me. The more I do understand it, the more I realize how much I don't know the extent of how it works.

I love people... And sometimes, I do want to give up on them... I do want to walk away and say, "I'm done". And when I resolve to do that, something happens and it hits me how selfish I'm being. When I want to give up, it's not because I don't see the potential... I want to give up because the person is not falling in line with what I want them to do. Most of the time, all it really is that they're not doing is giving me attention..

So I'm constantly praying... and reading the bible and blogs and books by people who I see model love in ways I want to. I'm always looking at ways I could learn to love better. When my selfish nature gets the best of me, there goes God sending something along to humble me. I am more of an advocate for pride than I am love... It's why I need faith.. It's why I believe in Jesus. It's why I'm desperate for His grace.. I mess up all the time. Sometimes in grand obvious ways.. sometimes in subtle unseen ways. And yet grace covers it all. It covers me when I can't understand why I keep messing up.. and it covers me when I feel like I just can't get it right. The more it covers me, the more I can be honest in my relationship with God.. and I believe He hears me. I believe He listens to the matters of my heart. I believe He wants to break me away from the shame and guilt that sometimes creeps in.

How crazy is it that someone loves me that much in spite of all my mistakes. It's kind of a scary thing but at the same time, it's comforting. It's a comfort to know I don't have to be perfect to approach Him. He takes me as I am, full of mess and all, and restores me. I feel the change in my heart beginning to take place, and for that I'm grateful. I'm tired of living like He's not in control of things.. And He loves me anyway.

I guess what I want to say is that... Jesus loves you. I know that's cliche but, He does. If He can take me as I am, there is nothing you could do to separate you from His love. There is no better news than that.

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